Many narcissists hide behind addiction | Countrymom

** This article is based on nonfiction by actual events that I have experienced firsthand; used with permission.

A narcissist I know hid behind his addiction. I was a vulnerable single parent when I met the narcissist. He hid behind addiction and was like a silver-tongued snake pretending to help me when in fact, he was grooming me to be his next fix.

Narcissism is like a drug. The narcissist’s drug is their supply source. Unfortunately, there are many vulnerable supply sources out there. I know, because I was one of them. The narcissist that I ran into had 5 women on the line at a time. I learned this over 12 years. Unfortunately, three of the five of us still have to recognize that they are victims of this particular narcissist. One of the narcissist’s favorite phrases to me was, “Do you have any idea how important I am”? This was when I listened very carefully and do you know what? He wasn’t that important at all.

Dealing with a narcissist or a drug addict can be exhausting. You’ll never be able to keep up with them and just when you’re planning to sit down to a nice home-cooked meal they will act out in the worst possible way ruining your lovely dinner. You’ll learn to always expect the unexpected.

Even when a narcissist goes to counseling with you, you’re living in dangerous waters. They are the masters of manipulation and will fool even the best of counselors into believing them. Not all counselors are fooled however, enough of them are fooled that it will give you a reason to pause before considering your next move.

The life of an addict or a narcissist is a lonely one to follow. Life revolves around the next “fix”. It doesn’t matter what the addiction is. It’s all about them and nothing is about you. It can be sex, drugs, alcohol, or narcissism it just doesn’t matter. A narcissist is very much like an addict and they are all treated in much the same manner.

Gradually, one at a time, the narcissist will separate you from your family and your best friends. They will make you question your sanity many times over and they will show you how your family and best friends are “out to get you”. They are very convincing.

This is where you must learn to trust your instinct. Everyone has a sixth sense or instinct. If you think something is off, it is. It’s that simple. However, knowing this information and acting on it are very different.

As an addict, the most important thing is number one. Their needs come first. Their needs are the most important. More important than changing the baby, feeding the baby, than paying the rent. They will demand that you pay for everything while they do nothing. Whatever a normal person’s priority is, the narcissist or addict isn’t. They will convince everyone around you that you have serious issues.

If you’re lucky, those around you will know better and they will recognize that the issue is the narcissist. Of course, the narcissist will know this and they will do everything in their power to keep you apart from your friends.

The focus of the narcissist addict is figuring out how they are going to get that next fix. It starts out so simple. The narcissist (or addict) wants something that they don’t have so they have to figure out a way to get it. Smooth-talking, sneaking, or stealing are often the easiest ways to get what they want. No matter how they get their fix, you can bet it will be illegal, conniving, or unlawful. It will also be very hurtful to you once they have used you to this degree.

Each time they get the fix another victory has occurred. Their fix becomes more important to them and the things of reality slip away. One minute they are your best friend and the next minute you can’t find your wallet, your heart, or something else of value to you. You too become their victim. If you aren’t wary you will be sucked into the vortex as an enabler and enable them to continue with their path of destruction.

Of course, we all wish to change that which we can’t. In this case, we certainly can’t change the narcissist or the addict. We can only change ourselves. We can either learn to deal with them or remove ourselves from their path.

Like a tornado will destroy all in its path, so will the narcissist and the addict. Leaving behind a path strewn with broken promises, deceit, and lies. Treasured memories lie shattered like broken glass surrounding them. They can’t figure out why everyone is avoiding them. They work to discredit you and may at first be successful. Deep down, however, their anger is so volatile that no one, not even their mother wants to be near them.

Confrontation, however, only serves to anger the narcissist or the addict. After all, they are perfectly in control of themselves and can stop anytime. The truth is, they are out of control and not able to control what is going on around them and this is what makes them dangerous. It’s a very frightening and confusing time for everyone around them.

Not all narcissists are addicts and not all addicts are narcissists, however, they have so many things in common that it may be difficult to tell them apart. For this reason, they are frequently treated the same. They will suck you back into their vortex if you’re not careful.

If you’re dealing with a narcissist, I urge you to seek help and leave in the safest manner possible. You may have to opt for a shelter or a safe house for a time to escape the tentacles of the narcissist. Stay strong and don’t give in. You’re worth the extra effort it takes to escape their grip.

Spotting a narcissist or drug addict can be difficult. A narcissist has a strong sense of grandiosity. They think that they are superior to everyone else around them. Nothing matters more than them. You’ll learn to watch your wording around a narcissist. Everything that you say can and will be used against you. It’s just a matter of when.

If you do choose to stay, find a good therapist and work closely with them. Keep in mind that the narcissist isn’t going to like your going to a therapist and you’ll have to be mindful of this.

Helpful Information dealing with a narcissist can be found here, If you choose to leave a narcissist, you can find help here. What do you think? Have you ever had to deal with a narcissist? Share what you dealt with in the comments.

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